When people discuss anger several reactions can be noted. Some people deny it, "Who me, get angry, Naw, I never get angry!" Others condemn it as sin. Still others feel it is perfectly normal and should be expressed freely. But what's the right way to look at anger?

I hope to offer some help answering these questions. Much could be said about the subject of anger, and is! The psychology books abound with material on it. The Bible too, refers to anger hundreds of times. Let me offer some observations and a few suggestions to to try to help you.

First, all of our emotions are are given to us by God. None of them are inherently good or evil. As a matter of fact, all of our emotions put together make us the colorful types of people we are. Just imagine what the world would be like if everyone were totally calm, serene, and unemotional all the time. This would be a pretty dull world to live in! We love and we hate, we're sad and we're happy, we laugh and we cry. All of these emotions and feelings make us who we are as human beings.

The dividing line in these emotions is how we handle them or are handled by them. If we do not handle and control our feelings when we are sad, we may become so remorseful that we can no longer function on our jobs and may even contemplate suicide. If we do not control our joy we may get carried away and our actions become destructive. This often happens at rock concerts or sporting events. When laughing at a joke, how many of us have not been embarrassed at one time or another when we've laughed too long or too hard when others have already stopped? Emotions are neither good nor bad in themselves. It is how they are used that makes all the difference.

Anger can range anywhere from mild irritation to violent rage. It can be temporary or become a long lasting hatred. It can be either constructive or destructive. We determine which it will be. As healthy individuals we are responsible for our own emotions and actions. How we react to a given situation will be determined by our emotional maturity.

When we seek revenge on another person for a perceived wrong our anger becomes destructive. The Apostle Paul says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." in Romans 12:18-21. He goes on to say, "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord." Instead of taking matters into our own hands and taking out our anger on another person we're instructed: "On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." 

However, when we see injustices done in our society or in the world, and we become angry enough to do something to correct them, then our anger becomes constructive.

Anger is usually a reaction to a blocked goal. We work toward or for things we want and when that effort is blocked, for whatever reason, we become frustrated and that in turn arouses the emotional reaction of anger. Sometimes we become angry without knowing all of the facts involved in a particular situation and 'go off half cocked!' Proverbs 18:13 says, "He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame to him." And in Proverbs 14:17 "He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly..." We need to check out the facts in a situation before allowing ourselves to become angry (not always an easy task!).

But, let's assume, after checking out the facts we still feel angry. At this point it becomes necessary to acknowledge our anger. Too often people who are angry but want others to think they are in 'control' repress or deny their emotion. They become like a volcano ready to explode. Denial or repression of anger is detrimental to our physical and emotional well being. Continual denial or repression can lead to actual physical diseases such as colitis, ulcers, and migraine headaches.

Anger, when it occurs, must be acknowledged. In other words, know yourself well enough that you can tell when you are getting angry. Tell yourself, "Hey, I'm getting angry. I need to do something about getting control before it's too late." The Bible says, in Ephesians 4:26-27 "Be angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil." This passage of scripture instructs us, simply, when angry, not to commit sin. We need to acknowledge that we are angry and control ourselves enough to make sure we do not commit sin. This obviously necessitates exercising self-control. When we remain in control of our actions we do not allow Satan to ensnare us in activities that are wrong. By not allowing the sun go down on our anger we alleviate the possibilities of ulcers and migraines. By refusing to nurse a grudge we keep situations from getting out of hand. The person that stays "mad" and insists on nursing a wound hurts himself or herself more than the person they are angry with.

Once a person acknowledges their anger and determines to maintain responsibility for their actions and words, rational alternative courses of action can be examined. Perhaps in the short term, to keep control of the powerful emotions one is feeling, withdrawing from a potential argument and deciding to continue the discussion at a later time would be in order. Even running around the block one or several times until the angry feelings have subsided would help.

Norman Wright, in his book, Communication Key To Your Marriage includes an excellent chapter on how to control your anger and gives ten practical principles for dealing constructively with angry feelings.

Remember, all of our emotions are God given. They are neither good nor bad in and of themselves, including anger. The deciding factor is whether we control them or they control us.

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